I got a story to tell here. 

I am currently broke. For the 3rd time, in the last 5 years. And last week, I just turned down another business deals. A deal that came from my own big sister. The one who tried to help. A deal that could extend this whole operational for more than 5 months. 

What happened?

“I am better than this”.

My recent lunch. White rice, with sambal. This experience keeps reminding me to stay low.

The deal was involving some backdoor activity. Someone in a company, my sister, giving a project to her relatives (she’s really trying to help me!). I was once tempted, until i saw the integrity letter to state that this project isn’t nepotism. And I withdraw. I reject, I turned down any deals that’s not align with my value. That makes me doing things against myself. That sabotage myself. That makes me build a dishonest business. It’s the right thing to do.

5 years ago I met the love of my life, my future first lady, after waiting for 7 years and struggling like 10 years long before that.

But when I knew she was with somebody, I stopped.

What happened?

“I am better than this”.

I don’t want to destroy anything. Gosh, no. I want to start right. I want to be better. So I must stopped.

Thank God, she eventually letting me know they’re no longer together so I kept going. 

Here’s Why I’m telling you this:

Right now, as I’m writing, I am waiting for a prospect to give their answer towards my quotation and in my mind right now is full of “karma is a bitch”, “you turned down all those deals, now they will turn you down!”. I am scared.

So I’m writing this story, telling it to anyone if anybody ever read this, to revisit myself, to encourage myself, that even I don’t get this deals, I wouldn’t betray myself. Even when I’m broke.

The only supporter I have, the only person that could change my mind once said: you could be anything. I believe her. I believe I can be anything. I believe I can be better. So I’ll keep training myself, to try, doing the right thing. Even in a difficult situation.

And I honestly wish that I’m surrounded by some fans of doing-the-right-thing kind of shit.